Eating American Pie

After our EMR (electronic medical record) died today, I wrote a little jingle, with apologies to Don McLean:

Computer-based Pie

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How those paper charts had made me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those patients dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But yesterday made me shiver
When the computer failed to deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
We couldn’t take one more step.

I can remember that I cried
When nurses orders just up and fried,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Computer died.

(Chorus)
So bye-bye, miss Computer-based pie.
Drove my patient near the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old docs were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that they die.
"this’ll be the day that they die."

Could you find a progress note,
Or an order sheet for the nursing bloaks,
Or a way to float this boat?
Documentation no longer shows,
And billing ceases, you pay the toll,
So can you teach me how to chart real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in deep kimshee
`cause I saw you writin’ along with me.
We both kicked off our shoes.
Man, I dig these paper-based blues.

I was one happy old-time doc
With pink tri-fold orders and a pickup truck,
But I knew the young ones were out of luck
The day the computer died.

(Chorus)

-Wes