Whispers

I stare at this white page, wondering what to say. I wonder, “Are you awake too, Dad?” Words don’t come easy. You thanked me for playing tonight, but the words came hard then, too. For both of us. I hope you’re not panicked – please tell me you’re not – just a little short of breath, right? I wish you weren't so aware of all of this...

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I’d like to do,
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you.

The chaplain came by today. I wish I’d been there. He read you a prayer about a bird with a broken wing. You liked it, I was told. You stored it in the pocket of your walker, remember?

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken winds and learn to fly.
All your life,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

You seem tired, sleepy. It must be strange. We’re waiting. You know we’re waiting. It’s taken longer than you thought, hasn’t it? I’m sorry. Everyone keeps asking me how long it will take. A week, two? It might be faster, longer, I don’t know. Sorry about the parade of people that want to see you one last time to say goodbye. It must be hard. Do you remember the dogs running about? It seems even your dog is less important to you now. We’ll take good care of her. Tonight, it was beautiful outside. I wish you’d wanted to go out, even for a little bit – you always loved it outside. People don’t care how you look. Really. I’m so sorry. I feel, I don’t know, it’s all so … so strange. I know, this is what you wanted, but …

In the clearing stands a boxer,
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that laid him down
And cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame,
"I am leaving, I am leaving."
But the fighter still remains…

You look peaceful now, sleeping there. I hope you liked the music, Dad. I love you. Remember, if you get short of breath tonight, take the morphine, okay?

-Wes