Why do I keep doing this? After all, I should know better. It is not efficient, logical, cost-effective or even a healthy thing to do.
I finish, look up, and realize the day is gone. I realize I have so much other work to do: notes to type, orders to type, instructions to give, phone messages to return, emails to check, meals to eat, wives to call, meals to eat, kids to help. What was I thinking?
I stop, feel my sore knees and swollen legs, and realize: I'm spent.
An eight-hour case will do that to you.
For eight straight hours, I was focused, engaged, challenged, incrementally approaching a success, I was sure, only to be challenged again and again. Okay, it's not this, could it be this? If it's not here, then where? Can't reach it with this, what else could I try? Got to be careful here - this where I've had problems before - but it's where I have to go. Easy on the power, could get ugly. Where is this damn thing? Could it be here? Where haven't we looked? Maybe there? What's the ACT? Give more heparin, please.
Until finally, exhausted, you quit. You have to quit. It's safer to quit.
Then you look up, and the fourteen-hour day is gone but the case isn't. It circulates in you mind for hours while you try to pick up the day's pieces. You come home starved for you've not eaten. If your still married, your wife looks at you as if you've contracted a terminal illness. Your kids roll their eyes since your not much help to them now.
"Go to bed, Dad, you're worthless."