It's simple, really.
Warm room to 76 degrees farenheit.
Take 1 part patient, add a teaspoon of doctors with exceptional skills,
add 1 tablespoon receptionist, a dash of facility, 3 teaspoons lab staff,
and a radiology tech. Set aside.
In a separate room, place the other patient.
Prepare the existing room by making the bed.
Keep the water container full. Chill.
Puree the incapable technicians who argue with the patient.
Carefully fold in nurses who smile, are attentive and communicative (and not understaffed).
Mix well. Repeat the last step and add patience.
Permit all ingredients to sit undisturbed overnight.
Each morning, carefully measure all vital signs - report accurately.
Smile often and listen.
Fold in ingredients previously set aside.
Review all studies - plan approach.
Seek divine intervention and begin ambulation as soon as possible.
Add stool softener.
Replace any remaining nursing technicians with RN's and LPN's - allow no substitution here. (Realize the cost is worth it).
Assure nurses' efforts are appreciated and validated.
Engender teamwork and foster professionalism amongst staff members.
Delete all unnecessary verbage from the electronic medical record.
Sprinkle with social work services liberally.
When completed, bake slowly and do not permit administration to open oven.
When center of patient springs back to soft touch - remove.
Garnish with a well-formulated discharge instruction sheet.
Serving size: One patient.
P.S.: This recipe can have many variations - feel free to add your own!