Friday, June 08, 2012

The DSM-Tw: Handbook of Twitter Personality Types

In an effort to assist the American Psychiatric Association with the publication of the fifth edition of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) expected in May, 2013 it seemed only appropriate that a DSM-Tw (Twitter) supplement be provided to help classify newly emerging personality types on Twitter.  After all, the third and final (really, the FINAL) comment period for the DSM-V criteria ends June 15th!

292.891 Caffeine-induced disorder: Newscycling Disorder - chronic obsession with Tweeting main stream media news stories.  For instance, all topics that have an association with medicine are cited: even acne studies.   Diagnostic finding:  first to tweet the story so that others will "retweet" their tweet, as if it was their own.  Gaining followers is the name of the game, so they occassionally venture off on tangents, like American Idol, Justin Bieber or Venus in front of the sun.

787.62 Elimination Disorder: Encopresis with constipation and overflow incontinence, Cynic - chronic obsession with snark.  No matter what get's posted, they'll counter with a cynical comment.  Post something snarkier, they'll lose sleep at night until they quip with another one-liner that beats yours.  Yeah, suck on that one. (Discussions are underway to consider re-filing under "313.815 Conduct Disorder: Oppositional Defiant, Cynic")

307.213 Separation Anxiety Disorder of Childhood: The Pollyanna - They can never be nice enough.  Really.  If it isn't nice, it won't be mentioned, retweeted or fav'd.  But if it's about flowers, kitty cats, or the like, count on a high resolution picture link to Flickr or Photobucket.

301.811 Narcissistic Personality Disorder: The Narcissobsessive - They love themselves and they love Twitter.  So they tweet anything and everything.  A diagnostic feature: tweets-to-followers ratio typically exceeds 50:1.  Coffee shops, diners, movie themes are common topics.

297.32 Shared Psychotic Disorder, Boy (or Girl) Wonder Professional - Typically very sincere, advocates for a cause.  Well-liked by the Twitterverse.  Happy to share your tweet or there's.  Folds their underwear.

300.112 Conversion Disorder: #Hashtagger - One word tweet like "loser" with an attached concatenated hashtag like #runswithscissors.

So, what's your personality type?  Other personality / behavioral characteristics you'd like to provide?  Time is short!  They need our help!



Jude said...

You missed Chronic Correcting Disorder, viz the spelling/grammar/punctuation Nazi. That's me.... there are at least 2 clangers in your post. #notgoodenough :/

Anonymous said...

So - do you fold your underwear?