Barbara Walters Interviews Her Aortic Valve

Voiceover speaks in the background...

"It has worked for years, tirelessly opening and closing. Now, saddled with the challenges of age, Barbara Walters spends a few comfortable moments interviewing her critically narrowed aortic valve, for what comes next..."

"So, A.V., this must be very hard for you, being replaced and all."

Tears welling...

"Yes.... yes, it is. I mean all these years opening and closing, opening and closing and just because I get a little stiff, this is the thanks I get. The prospect of some cow or pig thing doing what I've been doing for years.... It's devastating...."

"What will you do next?"

"I mean, that's just it! Don't you see? I'll just sent packing to some cold, silver kidney basin to the basement, only to be palpated and sampled, frozen and sectioned, while they get the benefit of anti-platelet agents. Then, God who knows what!?.... But I'll miss you Barbara..."

"Oh, A.V.!"

(A pause... Barabara herself grabs a Kleenex...)

"Seriously, thanks to you there'll be no more gradient, no more being pushed around. But I feel good knowing one thing..."

(Another pause)

"What's that, A.V.?"

(Blushing and turning away...)

"I know who will be your first guest on The View when you return in September!"

-Wes