deCodeJeans4Me.com

Dear Gullible Consumer,

Thank you for allowing me to introduce my new company, deCodeJeans4Me.com, where we promise to tell you if you’re at high risk of all kinds of scary diseases as well as determine your ancestral roots, by looking at your jeans. You see, we have a patented way to predict what diseases you might contract by merely having you send us a pair of your jeans from the privacy of your own home to our fancy multi-zillion dollar laboratory. We will run over a million tests to identify small imperfections in the color and contour of your jeans that we have been carefully correlated to your jean-etic risk factor for hundreds of ailments. Using fancy machines, our well-meaning staff will determine your Every Disease Known Score (EDKS) that no one else understands but us. And once we see what your EDKS looks like, we’ll tell you, based on the world’s literature, what your chances of getting a disease might be so you can be “empowered” and “network” with other like-minded suckers souls on our fancy web site. All it will take is for you to register your name, rank, serial number, number of children, address, pant size, height, weight, your e-mail address PLUS a mere $900 (we want to undercut our competitors) and we’ll send you a pre-addressed mailer in which to place your jeans.

By the way, the federal authorities think this is a great idea, too! We’ll be sure to save your jeans in our secure warehouse so the feds can examine them carefully with a court order, especially in times of National Security breeches.

So go ahead, sign up, and send us those jeans!

Yours in blue –

-Wes

P.S. Please send jeans only. Underwear present unique biohazards that we are not yet prepared to handle.

P.P.S.: Be sure to see our competitor's website, too, for an informative link to their video to see an example of how this is done!

Photo credit.

12:30 19 Nov 2007 CST: Addendum - Oh, no! Even more competition! (Glad I still have a cheaper price...).